When a Baptist Serves Communion

Today, I walked into church and the greeter says to me "Have you ever thought of serving communion?" "No." "Would you be interested?" "Sure." "Ok, come here." and then walks me over to the central area and says "Bob, I have a server for you"

I'm thinking "Ok, well, I guess today is as good a day as any, and they need the help, so here we go"

Bob says "Ok, this is how it works..." and explains the general idea of serving communion.

Now, this is obviously not the first time I've taken communion, but I had some questions:
- do I do every row? or every other row? "Whichever row your partner is not doing"
- do I say something ot the people? "You can if you'd like"
- what do I say to them? "I usually say 'thank you'..."
- what do i do when I'm done? "set your tray down and do the offering"

At this point, I feel like i can handle this. I have the instructions, I have my game plan, I'm ready. No, wait... I didn't put on mascara this morning! And I'm wearing boots - that's not very churchy... At least I'm in the court, and not the main sanctuary. I can still do this!

Listen to the sermon, worship, and when the pastor asks the servers to get ready, I think "That's me! Yes! I'm ready!" I head out to the foyer and take my communion, pick up my TWO trays (what?! they never said I would have TWO!) and head into the court.

Now, in case you couldn't tell from this post, I'm a little bit Type A. I prefer to know EVERYTHING that is going to happen so I can be prepared. So, here I go, up the aisle, pass the communion tray to the first person and say "Thank you" (wait! why are you saying thank you?) and then the next row and say "Thank you" (stop saying thank you! oh shoot! You were supposed to go every other row!) so then I jump up to the next 2 rows to catch the trays (and said 'thank you' both times) coming from my partner, and then back down the stairs to say 'thank you' and hand off the trays. Then I start thinking "Geez - I suck at this! Wait! You can't say the word 'suck' while you're holding a communion tray! There has to be a special level of hell for that... ah! Now you said 'suck' and 'hell'! Ah! Again! And stop saying 'thank you!' Ah you did it again! Shut! Up!" All the while catching trays and sending them back down the rows. Then I get to the end of my section, which is at the top of the bleachers in the court. And somehow I have 4 great, big, heavy communion trays. And I have to go down the stairs. And I'm afraid of heights. And I can't hold onto the rail or anything because I have the communion trays. "Ok, self... you are either going to sit down on your bum and slide down these stairs, or you are going to take it a step at a time and pray you don't biff it and slide down these stairs face-first in a mess of clanging communion trays, tiny cups of grape juice, and miniature crackers."

Step. Step. Step. I made it. I set the trays down. And realize "Oh man! I still need to do offering!" Quick! Grab the offering bag and pass it to the first row (saying 'thank you' of course) and the second row, and when I catch the third row and start to send it down the fourth, the poor guy was confused and tossed his communion cup into the offering bag. Now, I could have been saintly and angelic and just continued on discreetly. BUT I am a spaz and my mind would not shut up about how I was probably the most awkward communion server in history, so what did I do? I said, in a stern voice "no", and dug the cups out of the bag and handed them back and continued on. When I got to the top row, my partner had already finished, and headed down the stairs, but my bag was on his side of the aisle, and I could see the people questioning where it went, and starting to send it to anyone who would take it, and I realized I would be chasing this offering bag all over the sanctuary. So, delicately and discreetly I start waving my hand in the air and saying "I'll take it! I'm coming!" and weaving my way down the row, trying not to step on everyone. I finally caught the bag, and rushed over to the foyer to turn it in.

At this point, I reclaimed my purse and Bible from my seat and thought "Well, I tried something new, and I can now officially check off 'communion server' as a volunteer option"